Chapter 8: Waiting Over the Rainbow

December 10, 2016

Assalammualaikum.. life had been quite harsh to me lately.. My uncle past away on last thursday and yesterday, my result came out and it was pretty awful for my record.. I had expected for not being in the dean list, but I didn't expect it to drop a lot.. I cried a lot during  last semester and I stressed myself as there was too many things to cope; drama productions, big book, games, micro-teachings which everything was either involving group or pairs.. 

I hate the fact that the ones whom didn't co-operate the most would get the benefit and gain better results while the ones whom struggle a lot, had to share the results with them.. I was demotivated after my result came out, even I keep calming myself that everything has their own reason.. I keep telling myself, "Allah nak bagi kau reward lain tu, sabar.. " but the other negative said of me keep saying, "Macam mana kalau memang nothing good coming towards..?"

Ya Allah, maafkan aku kerana meragui kuasa-Mu... I'm just too disappointed for not able to bring good results for my dad, after lots of money he had to spend for me during the whole semester.. After the tragedic incident, as everything I am doing are for him,  I felt like I failed this time..

Last night, after getting my result, I waited for him to come back from the tahlil of my late uncle.. Once he arrived, I hugged him and I kept apologizing to him for not being able to perform myself this time.. He acted like it didn't effect anything and he said, "Papa tak marah.. Kalau betul kau belajar, dah tu rezeki yang kau dapat, papa nak cakap apa? Dah ni jalan yang kau pilih, tempuh la... Habiskan apa yang perlu..

From the bold sentences, I know that deep inside, he was still disappointed with my decision of changing the course.. I only had 2 semester left, and this time, I need to perform well and proof to him that taking TESL was not a mistake... May Allah be with me till the end and help me in the journey of taking my dad's heart..      
"Setiap yang berlaku ada hikmah dia.. Ada rahmat datang nanti.. Allah turunkan ujian untuk kita berfikir, renungkan dan ingat Dia.. Semoga Allah kurniakan Anis hati setabah Sumayyah.. Amin.." - Thank you my some sort like a special friend, for this strength..    

4 comments:

  1. Don't be discouraged, take what your dad said as a new motivation for the next sem. goodluck!

    I had a bad day also so I'm giving you a virtual hug *pat on the back*

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  2. deepest condolonce to your loss, cheer up! something good must be waiting for you as we know His plans are the best plans :)

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  3. Yes, Allah knows the best.. Thank you for the spirit..:D

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